Blessings With Very Good Disguises

I realize it's been over three months since I've blogged. I guess for a while I just couldn't find the inspiration to write. Then when I got ready to, something happened that hindered my ability to type (which I'll talk about later). But I think it's about time that I start getting some of my thoughts down and maybe sharing some things with you that will help, I hope.

Remember in 2009 when I made a list of goals here? I'll admit I haven't done so well with most of them. This year has not been my finest so far. I blogged shortly after I lost my job at the end of January about the difficulty of that. When I blogged then, I was so optimistic and had pretty much no idea what the next few months would hold. I'm still learning things just like I was then.

I guess everything really started even before 2009. My grandmother had surgery for breast cancer in September of last year and the thought of possibly losing her was more than I could bear. Shortly after that, I went through the loss of what was pretty much a three-year friendship/relationship. Then 2009 hit and things have happened that I never could have imagined.

After losing my job, my dad had to be tested for possible prostate cancer and my aunt had her second stroke of the year around the end of February. Not long afterward, she was diagnosed with advanced stages of cancer and two weeks later she was gone. That's when I started struggling with the idea of bad things happening to good people - something I'm still having a really hard time with.

A week after my aunt passed away, I broke my left hand in a fall. It was an added financial burden, but more than that just a little deflating and discouraging. Okay, a lot deflating and discouraging.

But through those difficulties, I've also seen some blessings and answered prayer. My grandmother's surgery was successful and she is now cancer-free. During this time, God has given me some close friends who have become my more special to me than they'll ever realize. My dad's test came back negative (which I learned later was very rare). Although my aunt is gone, she wasn't allowed to suffer for weeks and months like some people with terminal cancer do and now she is healthy and whole. My hand has healed well and the cost is far less than what I had anticipated. Losing my job has allowed me to spend time substitute teaching and helped me find what I truly am supposed to do - return to teaching. I finish my last recertification course this week and I know God has the perfect job for me. I've found a summer job that will allow me the time off to do something I never thought I'd be able to do after I lost my job - go to Thailand with my church this summer.

There have been times that I've thrown myself a grand pity party, cried and prayed, and felt like the world was caving in on me. But even at the worst times, when I really thought about it, I've been able to find wonderful things that the Lord is doing even when I can't see it. Sometimes the storms blind us and we can't always see Him, but He's there. Sometimes those blessings are disguised very well. Or maybe God just waits until the right time to let us see them. Either way, that's where faith comes in. Because the definition of faith is believing without seeing. At times it's hard to have faith and I start to panic and want to handle things on my own. But I see the here and now and He sees the eternal. He promised to work everything out for my good and I have to believe Him because He's never let me down. And He'll never let you down either.