Always On Call

It's 4:45am and I am out of bed and on my computer. And just in case you didn't know, no, I am not a morning person. I've been sick for a couple of days and with all the lying around during the day and the fact that I can't seem to stop coughing and sneezing, I guess it's making it hard for me to stay asleep at night.

As I often do when I wake up at an hour that my body thinks only exists in the PM realm, I started thinking about all the usual things I worry about in the middle of the night. Usually there's a financial worry of some sort. I'm always thinking about the stuff I need to do to the house. I'm thinking about going to graduate school. Then there's the dog that I can't seem to get to be good while I'm gone. Will it be turkey or PB&J for lunch tomorrow? I'm a natural worrier, so it doesn't take much to get my wheels turning and anxiety churning.

I think I finally reached a breaking point because I found myself on my knees in the bathroom (because on my knees in the bedroom would have the dog crawling all over me). In a puddle of tears, I took every concern - large and small - to the Lord. It's sad that I have to reach that point to turn it all over to Him. But He sees my desperation and He gives me the comfort I need without questions or hesitation. You see, it's great to talk to other people about what I'm going through - my boyfriend, my mom, a trusted friend - and they always listen and often have helpful advice. But they can't really fix things. Why wouldn't I first go to the One Who can fix it? Why don't we all do that?

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed with the presence and love of God that you could almost literally feel His arms around you? I've been there. And usually it's in those desperate, middle of the night times when my tears flow uncontrollably as I finally, as if it were my last option, lay the worries, concerns and burdens at His feet. But it's not as if He's only there in the odd hours, at the end of the rope. He's been there 24/7/52. He's been there with every slip, slide and ropeburn along the way.

So why do we do it? Why do we wait until we are at our most desperate moment to turn to Him? It's almost human nature, it seems. Think about all the prayer and church-going that takes place when a tragedy occurs in this country. Think how much better it could and would be if we'd just stay close to Him all the time, trusting Him with our lives, our problems, our good and bad times, our whole selves.

Instead of making Him my last option, why don't I make Him the first? His arms are there even when I'm not desperate and sobbing. He stretched them out one day more than 2000 years ago to prove His love for me. They've been open for me ever since.